Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall

Well, well, well, look who hasn't blogged in over a month!! I apologise, but I've been busy with school, holidays and work. So where shall I start?
     I have finished Year 12 in school. I now have one year left before I'm off to university. Scary stuff. My AS level results are out on Thursday 16th August so guess who's going to be a bag of nerves then? Yep, me!
     I've just come back from an incredible fortnight in Saint Lucia with my parents. That island is absolutely beautiful, everything about it! The people are so kind, the landscape is incredible and the weather is gorgeous. I feel so incredibly lucky to have been able to go there, but I just wish I could go back there!

(excuse me knees)

But now I have another excuse to be happy happy happy as my friend Sabrina is coming from Ipswich to Rhondda for 5 days...WOO! This lovely lady has just come home from Zambia and now that she's moved to  the other side of Britain I miss her dearly. Except now I have her all to myself for this week, yeahhhhh!

     Other irrelevant stuff in my life at the moment include that I have a cut on my shin that refuses to stop bleeding, I'm meant to be tidying my room right now and I'm about to go and eat some cheesecake.

xxx

Smooth Criminal

Today has been an incredible day, spent visiting Sussex University with my 3 best friends - Ashleigh, Catherine and Leah. The sun was shining and good times were had by all. Although I don't think Sussex is going to the university I end up at due to my lack of interest for their English course, it is a stunning campus and Brighton is such a gorgeous place!
            The downside of today was the fact that I realised that my future is really just around the corner. In just over a year I'll be (hopefully) moving into my chosen university and I'll be meeting a load of new friends and settling into most probably alien city. And I genuinely do not know if I'm at all ready for that. I'm not prepared for change. I'm not prepared to move out and say goodbye to all the people who've surrounded me for the past 17 years of my life. In the coming months, I have to make so many decisions that will determine the rest of my life. It took me about 15 minutes this morning to decide what to buy for my breakfast in a service station Marks & Spencer. I'm not ready for this.
            The majority of my friends seem to have made some basic decisions, whereas I still don't know if I even want to do Joint Honours English and History or just stick with straight English. Do I even want to do History? What about Spanish? I don't know whether I'm going to be able to cope with moving far away or if I'll feel too close if I stay relatively close to home. Am I going to be able to afford en-suite student accommodation or will I need to share a bathroom? Will I be applying to Oxford/Cambridge purely because the school has asked me, or because I know that I'd be stupid to turn down an offer from them? I have no idea to any of these questions and it has me stuck in such a rut that I don't know what the hell I'm going to do.
            So these are my dilemmas. Other dilemmas include:

• There were loads of gorgeous boys in Brighton today and it made me upset.
• I've fallen in love with Zac Efron all over again.
• I can't decide whether my feet are numb or just cold.
• I'm really tired but I have no urge to sleep.

            As you can see these are not really dilemmas as such. Just me over-reacting due to being awake for 20 hours now. The Zac Efron one is a real dilemma mind. How can one person embody so much hotness? And why must he be a) eight years older and b) in America?

            I hope you've enjoyed this post. I'm sorry if the writing is rubbish but I was up at 4:30am and I should be sleeping now, but sleep is for the weak and I am a strong independent woman.

            Okay, I'll sleep now.

xxx

A rather uneventful day, history and Welsh lessons and an Oxbridge talk. Not fun. 
I've just completed an 18-page time line on International Relations between 1878-1918. My brain is numb and I'm not even finished. All this weekend is work work work work work ready for my exams next week. I want to cry. But, alas, I cannot as that would be sure to smudge some sort of work that I need to revise from.
   Which leads me to the point that surely - as a seventeen-year-old girl being educated in one of the best schools in South Wales - I should have the intelligence to organise myself and prioritise my work? Surely, you'd think, at some point I'd realise that my future lies within the grades that I get next week and that I'd get myself into gear and do something about it? The answer's no. I much prefer to watch Family Guy and Britain Unzipped whilst eating ice-cream and browsing Facebook on my iPhone. Seeing what kinds of hairstyles suit me and painting my nails is far more appealing that learning subjunctive triggers for Spanish. What about short form future tenses for Welsh?, I hear you ask. God no. I'd much rather search Next.co.uk for that blouse that I found the other week and hope that they've put it into the sale. 
   So what I think I'm trying to say is that I lack motivation. I lack the self-control to stop myself from clicking on the Google Chrome button on the bottom of my desktop and absent-mindedly typing 'Facebook' into the search engine. I mean, who knows what I might miss?! Like the photos that my friend Shauna's just posted of us from three years ago, or that five of my friends have just checked into Showcase Cinema to see American Pie Reunion (thanks for the invite, guys). Surely that has some relation to The Congress of Berlin in 1878? Maybe I'm clutching at straws here...
   
Do any of you have the same procrastination problems? Any of you have any 'cures' as such? Please let me know, I don't really fancy doing resit exams next year!!


Ffion xxx