The downside of today was the fact that I realised that my future is really just around the corner. In just over a year I'll be (hopefully) moving into my chosen university and I'll be meeting a load of new friends and settling into most probably alien city. And I genuinely do not know if I'm at all ready for that. I'm not prepared for change. I'm not prepared to move out and say goodbye to all the people who've surrounded me for the past 17 years of my life. In the coming months, I have to make so many decisions that will determine the rest of my life. It took me about 15 minutes this morning to decide what to buy for my breakfast in a service station Marks & Spencer. I'm not ready for this.
The majority of my friends seem to have made some basic decisions, whereas I still don't know if I even want to do Joint Honours English and History or just stick with straight English. Do I even want to do History? What about Spanish? I don't know whether I'm going to be able to cope with moving far away or if I'll feel too close if I stay relatively close to home. Am I going to be able to afford en-suite student accommodation or will I need to share a bathroom? Will I be applying to Oxford/Cambridge purely because the school has asked me, or because I know that I'd be stupid to turn down an offer from them? I have no idea to any of these questions and it has me stuck in such a rut that I don't know what the hell I'm going to do.
So these are my dilemmas. Other dilemmas include:
- There were loads of gorgeous boys in Brighton today and it made me upset.
- I've fallen in love with Zac Efron all over again.
- I can't decide whether my feet are numb or just cold.
- I'm really tired but I have no urge to sleep.
As you can see these are not really dilemmas as such. Just me over-reacting due to being awake for 20 hours now. The Zac Efron one is a real dilemma mind. How can one person embody so much hotness? And why must he be a) eight years older and b) in America?
I hope you've enjoyed this post. I'm sorry if the writing is rubbish but I was up at 4:30am and I should be sleeping now, but sleep is for the weak and I am a strong independent woman.
Okay, I'll sleep now.